Tag Archives: conflicts

CREATING CIVILITY IN THE WORKPLACE

When we were children, our parents taught us manners.  They expected us to use them anytime we were at home, with visitors, and at school: in other words, everywhere.  If you are old enough, you will even remember getting a grade on your report card for “citizenship.”  The word “civility” comes from the old French and Latin term for “good citizen”, and is the glue that binds our society.  

Our workplace is a reflection of society at large.  Studies and polls indicate that Americans view incivility as a serious problem that is getting out of hand.  One study found that 60 per cent of employees believe that co-workers’ annoying behaviors negatively impact the workplace, and as a result, 40 per cent reported that they are looking for other jobs.  These reports show that disrespectful and uncivil behaviors drain productivity and negatively influence both an organization’s bottom line and the overall economy.  To make civility stick in the workplace, it must start at the top.  The leaders of the organization need to encourage it, and they should be role models, since those who work under them often tend to adopt the same management style as a company’s leaders.  Bullying by bosses is very common.  This kind of bullying often can be as bad as domestic violence, leaving victims with post-traumatic stress syndrome.  Practices and procedures that encourage civil behavior have to be inserted into every level of a company, for example:

  • Job descriptions;
  • Hiring practices;
  • Training policies;
  • Daily codes of conduct. 

Back in school – ages ago, there were the 3 R’s: Reading, ‘Riting, and ‘Rithmatic.  Now, the 3 R’s in creating civility in your workplace are: Respect, Responsibility, and Restraint.  If most employees develop an awareness of respectful behaviors and communication skills, it can help them serve as role models, and these behaviors will spread in the workplace and beyond.  Here are some helpful tips: 

  • Create an inclusive work environment.  When you respect and recognize individual differences and qualities, your organization can realize it’s full potential.
  • It’s never too late to start.  Hone your listening skills.
  • Before acting, think about the impact of your words and actions on others.
  • Realize that people who regularly engage in kindness, generosity and gratitude live longer, healthier lives.
  • Know your triggers or “hot buttons.” When you understand why something frustrates you, you can manage reactions and respond in a more appropriate manner.
  • Adopt a positive and solution-driven approach in resolving conflicts.
  • Don’t assume!  Rely on facts only.  Gather relevant information, before acting on assumptions that can damage relationships.
  • Take responsibility for your actions and practice self-restraint and anger control.
  • Think about today’s difficult situations from the bigger picture and consider what they mean in the overall scheme of things.
  • Include others in your focus by considering their needs.
  • We all should influence each other, by being  bridge builders for civility and respect.  Show that you respect yourself, and demonstrate that same respect to others.
  • Talk to co-workers face to face and establish more personal relationships than through emails. 

Our legislators have a job to promote decency in their private lives and workplace, too.  They should be accountable for their behavior during the upcoming campaigns and when they are in office.  They work for us and should respect the wishes of their constituents.  After all, we are the ones who put them there, and they should set a good example for all of us. 

Personally, we can teach our children and grandchildren about interpersonal skills and relationships by having conversations with them rather than watching them text on their cell phones, use computers, or play games.   If we share our ideas with them about how to go about life by being thoughtful and showing respect, we will be leaving a wonderful legacy.  After all, life is real, not a game!

RESOLVING CONFLICTS

It’s only natural that there are going to be workplace conflicts, as well as those disagreements at home.  Knowing how to settle them is like fitting all the pieces of the puzzle perfectly.  In the workplace, the supervisor is also the mediator.  Being a good mediator means that he/she can effectively resolve situations where different people with different ways of doing things can lead to personal and professional growth. 

Not taking things personally is very hard when it comes to being critized about your job.  Often times, intense personal animosity can result; that leads to too much downtime, teamwork breaking down, and wasted talent as people lose interest in their job.  It can lead to a downward spiral of negativity and recrimination.  

Suggestions to Mediate and Resolve Conflict:

  • Meet with the antagonists together.
  • Make sure that good relationships are the first priority.
  • Set out the facts.
  • Separate the people from the problems.  Many times one person may not be being difficult, but has real and valid differences with the other person.  Listen first; talk second.
  • By listening carefully you’ll understand why the person is taking his or her position.
  • See if each participant can describe actions they would like to see the other party take.
  • Open up communications.
  • Explore options together; a third resolution may exist and you can reach this point together.

Some of the benefits that a mediator may reap from communication skills are the following:

  • Improved self-knowledge.  Conflict pushes individuals to examine their goals in close detail, helping them understand the things that are most important to them, sharpening their focus, and enhancing their effectiveness.
  • Increased group cohesion: When conflict is resolved effectively, team members can develop stronger mutual respect, and a renewed faith in their ability to work together.
  • Increased understanding: The discussion needed to resolve conflict expands people’s awareness of the situation, giving them an insight into how they can achieve their own goals without undermining those of other people. 

Conflict Mediation in the Home 

Usually, workplaces have mediation processes in place.  It isn’t quite that simple in the home.  Who among us haven’t had differences with our spouses, parents, or children?  If you have such conflicts in your home, try establishing a conflict resolution process, including the location.  The place you choose may play a large part in resolving those problems.  The bedroom should be a safe and loving place in a marriage; therefore, you should never designate your bedroom as the conflict resolution area.  If, on the other hand, you are resolving a disagreement with your child, his/her bedroom is a good idea, as they feel safe in their bedroom and can open up to you better. 

For adults, your living room, dining room, kitchen or other room you are both comfortable in should be the place you sit down and work things out.  Talking things out should not be done while others are in the home.  Find a time when each of you has the opportunity to talk.  Don’t interrupt, but show respect for each other by listening to each point of view, and then do your best to understand and go about acknowledging mistakes that may have been made, and vow to try to rise above that point.  Loving couples have arguments at one time or another; but by talking it out, problems can be resolved without the “cold shoulder” treatment.  You may be surprised by something that has been bothering your spouse that you weren’t even aware of. 

It isn’t always easy to resolve conflicts at home or work – but it is always important to settle disagreements before they spin out of control.  Whether it’s talking things out by two family members, or having a mediator guide two persons to smoother waters at work, the mediator crafts a work environment that enables the success of the people who learn it.  Conflict mediation is an example of “practice makes perfect.”