Tag Archives: parents

TEN TELLING PSYCHOLOGY STUDIES ON THE NATURE OF BULLYING (Guest Post)

To say that bullying has been at the forefront of public discourse over the past few years would be a bit of an understatement. Countless TV programs, documentaries, articles, and even high-profile trials have covered and re-covered every angle of the issue time and time again. The growing interest in bullying over the past decade hasn’t been without just cause, as a saddening number of school shootings, student suicides, and other tragic incidents have demonstrated the heartbreaking consequences of unchecked bullying. As a result, schools have been taking a hard line on students accused of bullying, parents are speaking out, and the issue has become the rallying point for a number new anti-bullying organizations.

Yet while bullying is doubtless a major problem and one that should be addressed with the utmost seriousness, the reality is that many who are speaking out against it and proposing legislation on it really know little about the psychological and sociological research that has been done on the subject. While some stereotypes about bullies and their victims have proven true, other studies demonstrate that a more measured approach to bullying may be more effective than current punishment-focused programs as student motivations and definitions of bullying don’t always fit neatly into adult ideas about the topic. Bullying is a highly emotional issue and always will be, but these studies only serve to further demonstrate the importance of taking the time to apply reason and solid research data to any decisions that may have long-term effects on America’s children rather than letting emotions, however valid, be the guide.

1.      Children who bully also have problems with other relationships.

Bullying may be a sign that a child is having difficulty with other areas of life as well, not just relating to their peers. A study released in 2008 found that students who bully tend to have difficulties in relationships with teachers and parents as well. These difficulties were found to stem from generally aggressive behavior and a less well-defined moral compass. Students who bully, researchers found, may be lacking in social and problem-solving skills, which makes it difficult for them to form long-lasting, non-combative relationships with those around them. The findings led researchers to conclude that a real long-term solution to bullying may lie in helping children develop these skills, involving parents and their peers, and promoting healthy relationships early in life before more serious and potentially more dangerous social and emotional issues emerge later on.

2.      Bullying behaviors are learned and practiced at home.

While some students may simply have a more aggressive personality, studies are showing that many of the behaviors related to bullying are learned at home from interactions with parents. A review of international research in 2008 found that children raised by authoritarian parents — those who are demanding, directive, and unresponsive — are the most prone to bullying behavior, often modeling their behaviors at school on abusive, hostile, and aggressive experiences at home. On the flip side, children who were raised by nurturing, responsive parents were found to be less likely to bully. Another study in 2009 also connected bullying to home life, but in a different way. This study found that students who bullied their siblings at home were much more likely to bully other kids at school. If bullying is allowed at home, students simply continued the behavior in outside social relationships. These two studies have helped researchers to determine that the most pivotal figure in reducing and preventing bullying is a parent, and parents who are less angry and more talkative with their children report much fewer instances of bullying.

3.      Social desires drive both bullying and other children’s reactions to it.

Those who want to reduce bullying often ignore a key factor: what makes kids want to bully others in the first place. Luckily, research hasn’t ignored this aspect of the behavior. A Dutch study found that bullies are most often driven by the desire to attain status and win the affections of their peers, desires nearly all students share. Yet what differentiates bullies from their peers is the use of dominance to attain these ends. Researchers found that bullying was a risky behavior, with a high chance of ending up on the outs with other classmates, which is why bullies so frequently focus their torments on children who are viewed as being weak or who are not well-liked by other classmates. Yet bullies are only half of the equation. Social desires also drive how victims respond to bullying. A 2011 study found that students who are motivated to form strong relationships with their peers were more likely to use proactive strategies to reduce harassment from a classmate. Those who wanted to be perceived as “cool” were more likely to lash out at bullies and those who wanted to avoid negative judgments of their peers were most likely to do nothing at all. Researchers say that these insights to bullying should help shape future interventions in schools, promoting conflict resolution and showing students the way to build healthy relationships with their peers.

4.      Some bullying stems from a desire to maintain control.

While having social “norms” may be part of human nature, it also may help motivate many students to engage in bullying behavior. A study from Concordia University found that students who are loners or who are antisocial are more frequently bullied at school. Researchers believe this is a way to help control renegades, establish social order, and to keep a group’s members under control. It all may sound a bit Draconian for grade school, but researchers found that it was quite common for children to use aggressive behavior to gain social status and dominance over their peers, within the group and outside the group, deciding who and what was acceptable. William Bukowski, who led the study, says this information can help prevent victimization in the classroom. He recommends creating classroom environments that are egalitarian and encouraging more introverted students to speak up and assert themselves.

5.      Poor problem-solving skills increase children’s risk of becoming both a bully and a victim.

Anti-bullying activists should take note: researchers have found that poor problem solving skills are a key factor (if not the key factor) in much of the bullying that goes on in today’s schools. Research published by the American Psychological Association showed that children and adolescents who lack social problem-solving skills are at a higher risk of becoming bullies, victims, or both. For bullies, poor social skills often stem from conflict and poor parenting at home, negative attitudes about school, and poor self-image. For victims, risk factors and results were often very similar, a result that might be surprising to many. The authors of the study point out that successful anti-bullying strategies should be focused on more than just punishment, instead targeting risk factors and environments that may lead to bullying in the first place, both at home and at school.

6.      Students and parents may define bullying differently.

Students and their parents may have divergent views on what bullying is and what causes it, according to some recent studies. A 2009 study at Indiana University found that researchers and students differed in a key way in how they defined bullies. Students tended to be more forgiving in their labels, believing that there was no strict dichotomy between bullies and non-bullies. This was especially true when evaluating themselves, as students who admitted to engaging in bullying behavior didn’t seem themselves as bullies because of other, more positive aspects of their social lives. This, researchers caution, is why many anti-bullying messages don’t get through to students, as those who don’t see themselves or their peers as bullies often disregard anti-bullying messages. A study in Sweden is even more enlightening, showing that teens believed that individual traits like self-esteem and insecurity, not outside society at large, are to blame for bullying; a view that contrasts with many adult perspectives on the topic. What’s more, the study revealed that 42% of students blamed the victim for the bullying, citing his or her difference from the norm as justification for the bully’s actions. These studies illuminate the importance of talking to students themselves when developing strategies for dealing with bullying, as adults and kids may approach the issue from a different perspective.

7.      Even popular, well-liked students get bullied.

While bullying is more common among students who are on the fringes of social groups, popular students aren’t exempt from being picked on by bullies. A study in 2008 found that in cross-gender bullying, it was common for unpopular boys to harass and bully popular girls, especially as students move through elementary and middle school. Between fourth and sixth grade, researchers found that it wasn’t just the popular students that were doing the bullying; quite the opposite, in fact, when the bullying occurred across the genders. The research is telling, and those who conducted the study say it should be a wake-up call to teachers and administrators who often overlook claims of harassment by students who seem to be popular and well-adjusted.

8.      Cyberbullying operates differently than traditional bullying.

It’s tempting to lump all bullying together, but researchers say that online bullying should truly be a separate category of bullying and dealt with differently than traditional bullying. University of British Columbia researchers compared the two and found that the dynamics of online bullying are unique, with students not seeing their actions online in the same light as their actions in real life. This shouldn’t necessarily be surprising as numerous incidents have shown that young people often don’t understand the real-life consequences that can accompany the things they say, do, and share online. Traditional power differentials, like size and popularity, don’t apply online, leaving all students as fair game to be bullied or to become bullies. As a result of this study, researchers believe that anti-bullying programs need to take a two-pronged approach to bullying that addresses cyberbullying as a separate and unique challenge.

9.      Children begin bullying and being bullied as soon as they are old enough to engage in social interactions.

Parents, teachers, and activists need to take note: it’s never too early for bullying to occur. Researchers found that as soon as children are able to interact socially, many become entrenched in patterns of victimization or bullying. Victims are more likely to be those who were aggressive in infancy, subjected to harsh parenting styles, or from low-income homes. As children age, those who experienced bullying in their formative years are more likely to continue to be the victim, raising levels of depression, low self-esteem, social withdrawal, suicidal intention, and loneliness. Another study found that distinctions between bullies and victims become apparent as early as preschool, with aggressive children having a harder time building relationships with peers. These early problems could have long-term ramifications, which is why researchers stress it’s important to tackle them early on.

10.  Most anti-bullying programs aren’t effective.

Sadly, while bullying remains a major problem in schools around the nation, most programs created to combat it are woefully ineffective, or so says much of the research on the subject. A study in 2004 found that 86% of victims of bullying reported negligible or negative results from reporting bullying. Other studies suggest even higher numbers. So what’s wrong with the current programs? Most focus on punishment and isolation, which have proven to be very ineffective ways to get students to modify their behavior. Far better results have been seen with programs that focus on teaching kids mediation, building social skills, and helping students learn to solve problems. Also, while students may learn positive behaviors at school, negative behaviors may be reinforced at home, making it hard to facilitate any real change in students. Of course, the real problem may be that it simply isn’t possible to get everyone to like each other all the time or even to treat each other with respect; a human problem that isn’t going to go away anytime soon.

DANGERS OF NURSING HOMES – RESEARCH ALL FACILITIES BEFORE ENTRUSTING A STRANGER WITH YOUR PARENT

GUEST BLOG – JOHN BISNAR, ATTORNEY

As our parents and grandparents age, we want to find the very best care possible for them.  With most people facing the dilemma of balancing work and elder care, it is impossible to do what we might really like to do:  keep our parents at home.  If one or both parents suffer from debilitating illnesses that require round-the-clock care, few people can afford to provide that care in the privacy of a personal residence.  Instead, more and more people turn to managed elder care in the form of retirement communities and nursing homes to provide the day-to-day care our senior family members need.

However, it is frightening to consider the statistics of nursing home injuries and deaths.  Over 30 percent of all nursing homes have experienced some form of abuse of the residence by staff members or other residents.  Only about 20 percent of abuse cases are ever reported.  This means that many instances of abuse or neglect are occurring every day in nursing homes across the country, and that family members and governing authorities are unaware of the majority of these incidents.  In those cases, an attorney should be contacted.

If you or someone you love has been the victim of poor treatment, neglect, or abuse at the hands of staff or residents of a nursing home or elder care facility, you do not have to remain silent.  An Orange County nursing home lawyer will be happy to talk with you about your case and determine the best course of action to stop, prevent, or recover damages due to the abuse.

Nursing home abuses range from minor inconveniences, such as forcing a resident to wait excessive periods for food or service, to major and deadly actions such as beating or withholding needed medication.  More than fifty percent of nursing home patients do not have close family members who visit regularly, so these seniors are often the target of severe abuse and neglect on the part of careless or unkind staff members.  Many of the staff employed by nursing homes are also severely overworked, with one nurse responsible for up to thirty patients.  Under these conditions, it is very easy for abuse or neglect to take place, and highly unlikely it will be reported.

What can you do to prevent your elderly loved ones from experiencing nursing home abuse and neglect?  First, stay visible.  It is important to visit on a regular, but not predictable, basis and observe carefully the conditions under which your loved one is kept.  Next, talk to your relative about his or her treatment in the nursing home.  Do not automatically discount any stories of bad treatment, but make assertive inquiries with the staff.  Often, knowing that someone is watching and interested is enough to deter any bad staff behavior.  Finally, if you know that someone you love has been mistreated in a nursing home, or if you yourself are the victim of nursing home abuse, contact an Orange County nursing home attorney immediately for a consultation.

Our thanks to John Bisnar, of the Law Firm of Bisnar & Chase.   Every elderly person deserves the attention and care that they would receive if they were able to safely live in their own home.  Many nursing homes and private care homes offer that type of service; however, too many of our little citizens fall into the category of questionable care.  As John mentioned above, one of the best ways to ensure their safety is to pop in as often as you can, and never at a regular time.  A visit to a family member or friend means so much to the residents that we all should do a better job of checking on them, and let them know we care.  I want to add one thing: if you suspect any abuse or other problem, go to the administration and speak up.   My concern is especially for the ones that have no one to stand up for them.  In that case, an Ombudsman or other representative should contact a local attorney.  Our parents took care of us; it’s our turn to see that they are taken care of.  This article is very important to anyone who is facing the decision of relocating their parents or grandparents or a loved one.

TEEN DRIVER SAFETY – NATIONAL SAFETY MONTH (JUNE 12-18)

From the time they were little kids, we have preached to our children about being careful – watch when you cross the street, don’t talk to strangers, don’t jaywalk, don’t ride your bicycle in an unsafe place, don’t be a bully, listen to your teachers, obey your parents, the list goes on and on.  Everything we have told our children from the time they were toddlers was for their own safety.  It is a big responsibility to teach children right from wrong, and to guide them to grow up to be responsible teens and adults.

Because science explains that the brain doesn’t fully mature until we are in our twenties, it means that some of the decisions young persons make until that time will be very important ones that will determine their safety and well-being.  Teen Driver Safety Week, which is sponsored by the National Safety Council, is held each June to educate and encourage safe behaviors around the leading causes of preventable injuries and deaths.  Motor vehicle crashes are the No. 1 killer of teens in the U.S.  More teens lose their lives in motor vehicle crashes than the next three causes combined – homicide, suicide and unintentional drug overdose.  They need to understand this, and also that the risk of being in a car crash is at a lifetime high in the first six to 12 months and 1,000 miles of driving.  This risk can be reduced by a combination of gradual exposure to higher-risk situations and practice under parental supervision.  

Parents are the key to basic safety driving skills for teens.  Here are some great suggestions from State Farm Insurance to begin a good driving instruction program:

  • Review the controls and features of the car.  Make sure your teen knows how each one works:
  • Dashboard controls;
  • Steering wheel and seat adjustment;
  • Mirror adjustment;
  • Turn signals;
  • Headlights;
  • Wipers;
  • Air bags and seat belts;
  • Emergency lights;
  • Parking brake/release;
  • Starting/turning off the engine;
  • Gas, brakes (especially ABS)
  • Warning indicator lights on dashboard.
  • The location of the  registration, insurance card and manual. 

I must admit I did not go over all that with our three teens.  I briefly explained things to them, and then we drove on some low-traffic unpaved roads.  Take your teen to an empty parking lot, and have them practice applying gas and brakes, driving straight, turning, and backing up.

This is the time to remind your teen driver to pay attention to the surroundings by (a)  looking ahead and to the sides; (b) checking mirrors; (c) scanning continuously for hazards, and (d) teaching your teen to keep a clear “safety space” around the car, so there’s room to react to any hazards.  The farther he or she hangs back from the vehicle in front, the better your teen will be able to see what’s ahead.  Seeing better and farther provides extra time to react to changing traffic conditions. 

Graduated Driver Licensing is a proven road to improving teen safety.  GDL is a novice driver licensing system that is proven effective at reducing teen drivers’ high crash risk by 20-40%.  States with more comprehensive GDL systems see a higher reduction in teen crashes.  GDL reduces teen driver exposure to high crash risk situations, such as nighttime driving and teen passengers.  This allows new drivers to build experience and skills in lower-risk situations.  The three stages of GDL licensure are: 1. A learner’s permit that allows driving only while supervised by a fully licensed driver. 2. An intermediate (sometimes provisional) license that allows unsupervised driving under certain restrictions including nighttime and passenger limits. 3. A full license. 

We all learn to be better drivers with experience in different situations.  Today’s drivers have too many distractions; teens need to learn to put those distractions aside and focus on the main goal: getting from point A to point B in one piece.  Any of us can make a wrong decision behind the wheel.  Teens are at jeopardy the most.  They have a unique mix of inexperience, distraction, peer pressure, and the tendency to underestimate risk. 

It’s up the parents and peers to encourage safety to their teens every time they get behind the wheel.  These young people have the right to take their place on the roads, we just have to help them understand the importance of keeping both themselves and other drivers safe at all times.

NATIONAL TEEN DRIVER SAFETY WEEK

Since 2007, the third week of October has been designated as National Teen Driver Safety Week.  This week, October 17 through 23, to stress the importance of driving safely, schools and other organizations will be sharing information with teenagers about safe driving.  Car crashes are the #1 killer of teens.  Teaching teens that along with the privilege of driving a vehicle, there are rules that must be respected and followed.

 Research has shown that parents are the single greatest influence on their teen’s driving.  Parents must set the example early on, by buckling up every time they get behind the wheel, slowing down, and focusing on the road.   You’ve heard the old saying, “Practice makes perfect.”  This is certainly true when it comes to teen drivers.  Even though parents have busy schedules, the more time they spend letting their teens drive gives them the advantage of experience.  They need to drive in different road situations and at various times of the day with adult supervision.    Letting your child operate a motor vehicle without supervision is taking a terrible risk.  Give them as much supervised driving time as possible – thirty to fifty practice hours over a six-month period is recommended.  

Several states offer Graduated Drivers Licensing, which is a three-step plan:

  1. There is a minimum supervised learner’s period.
  2. After passing the driver’s test, they receive an intermediate license, which limits the amount of unsupervised driving time.
  3. Full privileges license after completion of previous stages.

The Centers for Disease Control make the following suggestions to parents:

  • Set rules for your teen drivers.  Set limits to keep them safe.  Be sure they know they must abide by the laws of the state, limit nighttime driving, and wear seat belt.
  • Restrict the number of passengers they may have in the car.
  •  Talk about signing a Parent-Teen Driving Contract (on the CDC website).  Discuss how important it is to follow the rules, and the consequences for breaking them.  Hang this contract on the refrigerator door as a reminder that you want him/her to stay safe, and that when the rules of safe driving are followed, greater driving privileges will result. 

Have you seen the commercial where the dad is leaning into the car, giving his little daughter all the right instructions that she must follow while driving, and then gives her the car keys?  In his mind, she is about 6 or 7 years old, but in reality, the next scene reveals she is a teen.  This serves as a reminder that in our hearts, although they are teenagers, we still think of them as little ones.  We all must emphasize safe driving to the teens in our families – children or grandchildren.  One of the most important things to help them stay safe is to tell them to forget about their cell phone and focus on the road.  If we can get teens and every other driver to ignore those electronic devices, the highways will be much safer for everyone!

Good luck to parents of new drivers.  Let’s all do our part to keep the roads safe for them.  Help them to know that not only during Teen Driving Safety Week, but all the time, they need to “handle that car with care.”